[It means he ditches the part of the name he doesn't like. He forgets to speak plainly sometimes. Right now, Hasebe's pride and his nerves are clashing, and he begins to look uncomfortable.]

Nothing has made me want, even for a moment, to be anything but what I am.

[His thumbs run over the sheath. He'll expend all this energy after Guanshan leaves. Polishing things will help.]

Selfishly, I want you to hold it--me--with your own hands.